1. |
Swimantics
02:04
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These past few days have been sewn together and nothing seems to make me feel better. Work is calling. I am stalling. Hiding under sheets from a world that isn’t awake this week.I wanna go back to the basics when life was a mystery and everyone stayed the same.
I want things to be like the past but I know that you should never look back.
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2. |
The Pattern Forming
03:06
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Filling empty spaces while my mind begins erasing. It makes things alright, if only for the night. Our laughter will carry on. Just look at where we are. Friends stare gossiping from a balcony. I like where we’re at but it’s starting to take a toll on me. I go from pathetic to confident then back again.
I’ve realized to never settle for what makes you feel like you can barely make it by. So I’ll go with what makes me feel more than alive.
Breaking up the monotony as I pull right out of town. Don’t want to be stuck in cycles for the rest of my life. Don’t want to be stuck in cycles.
I’m tired of lying to myself when I know I could’ve done better.
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3. |
Part-Time Depression
02:31
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I’ll cringe at the thought of doing nothing meaningful because I know it’s not me. I’ll waste the day away because there’s no one to waste it with.
We all want that something that makes us feel at home. I’ve been having trouble finding it.
Does it even matter? Am I missing out?
I’ll find something better someday.
I may have left but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to stay here. Empty but that’s just great, I won’t die this way.
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4. |
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I’m struggling to find myself and I like to think that this helps. I said things I didn’t mean to, what on earth was I thinking? The things we hear in passing that make us who we are. The sounds of self-maintenance. Repair to move on. Change me.
Where have those thirty pounds gone? Motivation has been at a loss since I shed some skin. Waking to creaking sounds of home with discomfort in knowing that you’re waiting. As if on cue.
One day I’ll wake up and I won’t feel this way. I can already tell that this is over.
Built up strong walls just to watch them fall down. Took a ship out to sea just to sink and drown.
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5. |
In Hindsight
05:14
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I freaked out in your arms, I just needed some space. We talked in the backyard, I couldn’t look at your face. Careless behavior from a child throwing tantrums. Prepare for the coming storm.
Why did you lie on my behalf? It’s not like they won’t get it but I guess I do. No reason to act this way, bottled emotions set free in a effortless explosion.
Doubt took the wheel and crashed the car. Tried my best to feel but felt nothing at all. (Hey!) What am I doing? (Wait!) Let’s work this out. After much deliberation i see we’ve figured it out. I was the one at fault.
It’s all my fault.
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6. |
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I’ve come to terms that I don’t want this even though it seems I do. Working everyday to make a little change, just to try and stay satisfied.
As I recall this was the only way. Formulated a master plan to fend off the unknown.
(Waves descending but I don’t mind facing reality)
With the stress of income, compulsive reactions, and innately crawling back to bed. This isn’t a joke in my head like it was when I was younger. I see tendencies have turned 180 degrees. Can’t let it slow me down.
Maybe someday we’ll laugh and say "where have the good times gone?"
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7. |
A Bold Strategy
03:34
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You thought you could smoke out the devil while one by one you fell from each other. Hey, what’s left to say? It’s just what happens when you go your separate ways.
Waves descending but you don’t care. Face reality. Enigmatic, self-absorbed and bitter to the core. Just give it up.
You have the right to change while everyone is moving on.
I can’t stay like this forever, my flaws will catch up with me. I thought I’d learn my lesson someday, I still haven’t learned a thing.
So here we don’t have a bitter end but one that has mislead you. No one could see the small details. You are just looking for the right way out.
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8. |
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I am a joke. I am a thief. I stole the words you meant to say to me. I died inside today. I died inside.
I guess I should have looked at it from your end but with me being who I am, it wouldn’t work out anyway. Perceptions and rumors are misleading.
I could never look back on this and not feel something. There’s two different sides and I want to see it from your eyes.
Things could’ve panned out differently. We don’t know how it would’ve went. How could I be mad if I don’t even know you?
I am a joke. I am the jokes you make to your friends. I am asleep, asleep in my mind. I’m always standing still.
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9. |
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All my friends think I’m crazy and a little bit sad but maybe just maybe they still appreciate me. Every January the depression sets in as I try to move forward. An unwelcome reminder always comes with the winter cold.
Everything I thought would happen already has.
(Anything I say won’t even matter because you’ve always had the upper hand)
Blind to the options of alternate choices, we try to stand so tall but at the end of the day it’s lack of choices made that got in our way. You got in my way.
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10. |
Uncomfortable Home Movie
06:01
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The idea of you sounds nice when I’m stuck at home. It’s the things I want in my life that shouldn’t be there waiting. I know it’s wrong of me to push on like this. I’ve always known since the night I bailed on them.
Can’t believe I was right, I’m still stuck here waiting even after a years gone by.
I don’t think anyone would be surprised if I went and ruined my life like I ruin everyone’s time.
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11. |
Self-Deprecation Contest
02:32
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I’ve never felt less like myself after all of this. I’ve already expected that I won’t be sleeping tonight. This has drained me to no end. I’m ready to fix what’s broken. I need to mend. Don’t want to be a bummer forever.
I have everything and yet I still feel this way.
I can’t say I’m surprised that nothing feels the same anymore. Waves descending but I don’t mind facing reality. I don’t think anyone would be surprised if I went and ruined my life like I ruin everyone’s time. It’s not all about me, so goodbye. This is ending the way we never thought.
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12. |
Awkward Family Photo
04:31
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Thought I was fine until it got out of hand. I didn’t know I could be this close to death and still feel the slightest bit of comfort. With my heart always breaking in two, as if it’s not supposed to.
What felt this endless self-reflection of the year I spent at home turned into the terrifying truth that I messed up from day one. Stuck in this maze that’s constantly changing and we think we have it figured out. Some people put up a front. Some people lie to get what they want. Chalk it up to bad timing.
It’s always bad timing.
It’s always bad...
Can’t believe I was right.
(Still stuck here waiting)
Can’t believe I was right.
(after all)
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When All We Love is Lost Boston, Massachusetts
Watch the new music video for "Feline Showdown" - www.youtube.com/watch?v=X017uIGSBJQ&t=1s
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